WEIRDEST SHIT OUT OF SILICON VALLEY
Microsoft Ugly Christmas Sweaters Let You Pretend It’s 1995
Something you didn’t know you needed, and you probably don’t
Weirdest Shit Out of Silicon Valley is a weekly series from The Bold Italic documenting the bizarre news, gadgets, and developments in the tech world.
One of the holiday traditions no longer accessible in 2020: winning an ugly sweater contest, unless your work decides to hold another REALLY FUN Zoom party. Despite this, Microsoft has decided that what the world needs is their logo-emblazoned ugly sweaters, so we can get our nerd on like it’s 1995.
These sweaters are available in Windows 95, MS Paint, and Windows XP themes — just to make you feel really, really old from nostalgia. These items are so hot that they will cost you $69.99 ($20 per purchase of this expensive soft-wear goes to the nonprofit Girls Who Code). Sizes range from small to 3XL.
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Important: Microsoft offers free screensaver downloads as well, y’know, so you can match your sweater to your computer.
“Top to bottom compatibility. Improved fuzzy logic. Pre-2K memory cache,” their description reads, cheekily. Oh, I can’t get enough of those dad jokes.
The best part: In typical Microsoft fashion, however, these sweaters will take a while to load (dad joke, lol). They’ve sold out on all sweaters that will be here before Christmas, so you can only get on a pre-order list. And they probably won’t ship until… January 29, 2021.
It’s just been that kind of year, folks.
